When we talk about “sexual (or relational) orientations,” we define them by who (or what) is the focus of desire. This is a shared, common concept in the U.S., other Western/industrial societies, and elsewhere. So when I state that “spectrosexuality is a sexual orientation,” this is what I mean. I mean that the desired one is a spirit being and a human person is the one who is experiencing the desire.
Erotically desired spirit beings include deities from numerous religions and pantheons, ghosts, demons, faeries and elves, spirit familiars, mermaids and selkies, nature spirits, and more. The desired spirits may be desired in a binary “same gender” context and/or a binary “opposite gender” context, or the spirits may be desired in a panerotic context, below (Stayton, 2020).
Human beings may also experience erotic spirit contact spontaneously, without having previous desire or inclination. Sometimes these sudden experiences can feel non-consensual and frightening. Sometimes they can feel transcendent and important. Some people may want more erotic spirit contact and may even view their dawning desire as an important component of their erotic and spiritual life, perhaps even to the point of identifying (at least in part) as a “spectro-sexual.” Some people may seek out such contact even without having previous experience, because they yearn for erotic connection with non-corporeal beings.
To discuss erotic human/spirit contact (“spiritu-intimacy” is a word for such incidents and experiences) and spectro-sexual identification in a supportive and sensible way, we don’t actually need to determine the “reality” of the desired ones. After all, we don’t question the reality of a person’s desire for a fetish object, or a specific type of experience, we just accept that desire as the starting point for our conversation and consideration. We can focus on the lived experience of the person who reports such an incident or experiences, and/or who has the active desire to seek such beings and experiences.
It’s really very simple.